Monoblogue Mondays.

*Please join us every Monday for a new Monoblogue.*

Narrator re-enters. Uses deceitful air.

I know what you’re thinking. From what I just said you thought you were done with me for now.  In your mind it was: Enter finely crafted man of your dreams. When I told you there would be a new male character you may or may not have begun to imagine the tone of his voice, how he takes his coffee, and his muscle definition.

Sorry. It’s like any other Saturday night. Right? You get all dressed up, wear your highest heels, more makeup then you do the rest of the week combined, and you expect that you will meet the man of your dreams. So here I am, just like the days of the week manipulating your feelings. Because, reality check, instead of “meeting” the next male character that I promised, you are stuck with me. I am your friend. Get used to me. And, like a good friend, on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday… you get the idea… I am still here for you.

And, if you will allow me to extend the simile, if you view yourself as the narrator, you will come to find that night after night, monoblogue after monoblah blah blah, that you are there for yourself.

How often do you really feel connected to yourself? Do you feel in tune with yourself now? What do you do to feel this way? What I’m getting at is, how can we expect to form bonds with potential romantic partners or even friends when we have no idea what we are about.

Some of us have our non-negotiables or our, “I would never be friends with/hookup/date someone who…” But what happens when we meet someone new and for whatever reason we let one of them slip? Eh, he’s a little shorter than I would normally go for? Or, hmm, she doesn’t smoke weed that often. Are we sacrificing our connections to ourselves? Or, are we simply being realistic, being “adults.”

Don’t misunderstand me, diversifying ourselves with new friends or relationships is what makes us grow as people. It is how we learn, form meaningful connections, and ameliorate how we understand ourselves. The divergence I’m talking about takes root when we ignore…. Ourselves.

Think back to the last time you told a significant lie or agreed to do something that made you really uncomfortable. I’m guessing that you, being the self- aware  audience that you are, can recall this visceral reaction easily. If you can’t, take a minute and admit to yourself and to the world that you are not perfect and that you have experienced this. Shared experience is good; it brings us together. Okay, thank you. So now, take a moment and minimize that feeling to the almost undetectable squirm you may or may not notice you feel when you have betrayed yourself.

Why in the United States have we allowed ourselves to trust products and technologies over our own instincts? Keen human perception and instinct to detect danger have evolved over millions of years. So then, how does it make sense that we should ignore these feelings when it comes to forming relationships? If something does not feel right, then most likely it is not. You know it is true! This is why we end up speaking with relative after friend after relative aiming to receive reassurance that a romantic choice we made was acceptable. Answer me this, when you know something feels right, do you question your actions in the same way you do when your body speaks to you telling you that you are not comfortable with a decision that you have made? No.

Connect with yourself. Be your own friend. Allow yourself the opportunity to know yourself. When we “tune in” to something other than our favorite reality TV show and actually experience our own sense or reality through yoga, meditation, running, or whatever other transcendentalist way you allow yourself to educate yourself about yourself that is when we truly start to form relationships.

So, maybe Mr. Right doesn’t have to back up to 6’1”-I’ll give you that one, but my best friends, including me, always have to have my back.

…Is this thing even on? Taps the microphone.

Enter Narrator.

Narrator: I am the narrator. I’m the reason you tuned in, bought your ticket, silenced your silly smart phone, but did NOT turn it off, and am the reason you are sitting wherever you might be and are enjoying me communicating with you. Ironically, you may be experiencing this through your mobile device. In that case, please wait until you are finished here and then proceed to shut your phone off and engage with the rest of the world. But, before you a. target me for judging you or b. think that I’m projecting my own self-improvement goals upon you- know that if you have selected “b.,” you are correct. I am here to take this journey with you. While I will be the rubber cement that guides you on your metaphysical (and maybe even physical journey), it is your involvement in this exchange that is meaningful. While, I, the narrator, am stuck being just that- you are much, much more.

To me, you could be anyone. To yourself, you can be anyone.

Throughout this “monoblogue” you will encounter a number of anyones and maybe even a few someones. Because, let’s be honest, that is how life works. To many, many people we are anyones, but to those selective, lucky people that we call friends, family, lovers, we are someones. Think about how many someones you have. Some of these relationships are counted with simple 5^th grade number sets. I have exactly 1,467 facebook “friends” while real life living, breathing, singing friends are almost impossible to calculate. Think about that one for a second. Emphasis on the real friends. Now, before you accuse me of something else- this time of being cynical- if you caught that, please proceed to the front of the store to receive your complimentary kool-aid; you’ve officially joined me. If you didn’t, don’t feel too badly. We’re just getting to know each other. Relationships don’t happen over night. Or, do they?

These are the types of questions this monoblogue will probe. The anyones and someones you meet throughout this blog might remind you of your co-workers, yourself, or who you want to, and who do not want to end up like. Maybe I’ll make you smile. Maybe I’ll make you tear up. Maybe you’ll be so pissed off that you’ll never want read this nonsense again. If I make you do any of these things, I will have succeeded. And, I’m guessing, if you drank your free drank you know why... yes, because we will have connected. I will have accomplished what we are all on this planet to do in one way or another. Connect. (In fact, psychology tells me that if you’re enjoying being “in” on my jokes during this blog, there is a chemical reaction of some kind that is occurring, which is why you’re still reading). Nevertheless, let’s leave those types of reactions to the scientists. Join me tomorrow when I’ll be introducing you to someone who had a very strong reaction to what I’ve written here tonight. He’s the first of many anyones (or someones?- you can decide) that I’ll be introducing you to. 


You’re 20-30. You want to meet new people. They want to meet you. Let’s see what happens. “Hello.”